Trying on earth
by Spencer M. Collins
Summary: Takes place after Mount Weather. Clarke didn't leave, she stayed with her people. The story follows Clarke and Lexa's relatioship, starting from the hurt Clarke felt in that mountain, and ending in a great love, that came to be, against all odds. I saw the show, really liked it, and I am planning to do justice for these two.
1. Chapter 1

It felt like everything was pretty much okay. They started again. They always did. Well, they were descended to the great folks who made twelve space stations to come together and to forsake all other languages besides English, it was pretty much a guaranty they would.

They changed the camp's name to Arcadia, began to work on their everyday lives. They began to build houses, to grow food, they returned to operate a school, they were getting used to a life where you don't need to go through drastic measures in order to survive.

Abby found her well suited place as the head of the clinic, and nothing more. They began to teach chosen personal how to become doctors as well. Kane took over the chancellor duties with some help from Clarke and Bellamy. Raven was doing just fine with the help of Wick, and you can even say that they were a pretty cheesy couple. Of course, not everything was perfect, Lincoln and Octavia disappeared after helping free their people from inside the mountain, but the sky people never lost the hope that they are okay together, and there was Jasper, Jasper, who has never totally processed the death of Maya.

It was about three months after Mount Weather. Clarke was starting to get back to her old self, trying to deal with the fact that on one hand her people were safe and sound behind the electrified walls of their camp, and on the other, that there wasn't a signed, sealed, delivered agreement between them and the grounders, and that they were left wondering everyday if today would be the day they will be attacked.

* * *

The blonde girl was going towards Kane's office, for a meeting about spreading the camp further to the north. Now that people can have as much unprotected sex as they please, and raise families of ten if that is what their heart desires, they needed to come up with a plan to enlarge their territory without making any grounders pissed, resulting in a spear through the heart.

"Nice of you to join us princess." The black haired boy said with a sharp edge to his tone. Bellamy hasn't soften in the months passing, and was still on edge each time he heard any suspicious sound. Clarke felt for him, lord knows she was waking up each night with cold sweat to her body, seeing Jasper's hurt face when Maya died in his arms, seeing dead kids, seeing what she has caused.

The girl just shot him a small smile of sympathy, knowing it will only make him more upset, and sat next to Monty, waiting for Kane to start.

"Clarke, thank you for joining us." Kane began. He stood taller, looking less concern and more confident. "I want to send a few of you to install an antenna further north, so we will be able to talk to each other while exploring." He explained.

The kids looked at each other with strange looks, they thought the camp would spread to a place nearby, not somewhere with no reception.

Raven spoke first "Why?" She asked simply. "I believe there are like a hundred of more important things for us to do."

"Yes, like training more soldiers so we can protect ourselves." Bellamy added.

Clarke was the only one that understood. She knew what it means to be the commander, she knew Kane was thinking of the possibility that they would have to leave, that things with the grounders would go south, and that the best solution would be to leave and not to fight. She looked at the older guy with an understanding look and said. "Okay. Tell when and we'll be out the door."

Clarke's words was enough to make the other kids to not protest any further. They all respected the badass girl who not only kept them alive for so long, but saved them countless of times.

"Tomorrow, with first light." He said. "Take weapons, but don't use the unless it's absolutely needed."

* * *

With that, the meeting was over, and they left the room. Clarke was planning to go see her mother, talk to her before she leaves. As she was headed to the medical, she felt the presence of another person walking behind her, she waited for him to catch up with her, and was not surprised when she was pulled inside the storage room she just walked passed. Before the sky princess knew it, she was pressed against the closed door with his strong body pressed against her.

"Hey."

"Hey there."

"You look good all serious." He whispered and pressed his hips stronger, making a small moan to escape Clarke's mouth. "But don't you think tha.."

Clarke cut him off, connecting their lips together. After a heated kiss she added, "Bell, you talk too much." She stopped to take off his shirt, "shut up." she added.

It seemed like he didn't need any more convincing. He lifted her to the stand in the room and connected their bodies easily.

* * *

In the mean time, Raven went back to engineering, looking for Wick. She felt her heart beat a little faster after cutting the last corner and entering the room.

Inside, she found Wick with his head on the table, eyes closed and a look of defeat on his face.

"What's wrong? Can't you make due for five minutes without me?" She teased.

Without opening his eyes, the blonde boy let a small smile creep to his face, he lifted his arm, expecting to find the girl, and pulled her to sit on him. "Oh yes." He said, raising from the table and looking at her with his playful smirk. "I was contemplating different ways to take my own life, but here you, a mechanic and not just a lousy engineer, I am placing that important task in your ends."

Raven looked at the complete moron with adoring eyes, she wanted to vomit from how cheesy they had become, but for now she just leaned her head against his forehead and whispered. "I have much more important things to do with my skills, I think you will be able to handle this, I am rubbing off on you."

He just laughed and closed the gap between their lips.

* * *

After he left Kane's office, Monty went to look for Jasper. He knew exactly where to find him, but first he walked to the kitchen to grab some dry bread and cold water.

Like charm, Jasper was sitting under the big tree just outside the camp, with a bottle of scotch to his feet, and an angry look to his face. He heard steps coming in his direction and he knew it was Monty. All the rest has given up on him, he needed to do this in his own way, and they couldn't understand why he can't just bounce back to his feet, everyone thought that if Clarke and Bellamy can be okay, after single handedly being responsible for the deaths of 300 people, then he surely can, but he wasn't a leader, he knew he wasn't cut out to make those hard decisions, and so he gave himself the benefit of the doubt to feel, everything. He knew that his people didn't required his expertise, but he didn't believe they would give up on him so easily.

"Hey man." Monty was used for the silence treatment. He laid the bread and the water next to Jasper, and added. "I'm here, if you ever need to speak." Then he walked away, back to camp. He was still in a hearing distance from his best friend, and so when he whispered "I know", a small smile crept his way to Monty's face.

* * *

A little while later Clarke found herself again, heading towards medical. She didn't mind the pleasant break, she actually welcomed it. It began about two weeks after they did the unthinkable. It brought them closer, to carry the load together, it got to the point where they could look at each other and understand what the other thought without speaking. The girl wasn't sure how it started exactly, but they were there for each other, whenever they needed a warm body or a distraction.

"Hey mom." She said. Abby was sitting on one of the exam beds looking through a book.

"Hey honey." She said, her eyes shining with joy.

"I'm sure Kane told you we are going north." Clarke said, she was sensing that Kane and her Mother had became a bit close as of late.

"He did." She agreed with a knowing smile.

"He is scared of the grounders, isn't he?"

"He fears the moment there will be less peace and more war, yes." The doctor answered. "He thinks of going to Polis, to talk to Lexa."

Just the mere saying of her name shakes Clarke's all body. Her face shows a look of total hurt, but only for a second. Her face returned to the light smile she displayed earlier, and she continues, "I think that would be wise."

"Clarke," Abby began, not being fooled by her daughter. "Let's talk about this, about her."

"Mom."

"Come on, humor me."

Clarke knew she couldn't run away from this conversation, and besides, she needed to talk about this, she was tired of suppressing her emotions. "I am not mad at her." She began, understanding that her mom won't interrupt her. "I would have done the same. This was always the deal, our own people come first. But, she knows we killed the mountain man, she knows her people are to be save forever, I don't understand why she's not trying to form some sort of peace with us, I don't understand why isn't she coming here to talk to us, to talk to me." It felt great saying all those stuff, and so she continued, "I don't want to think about those things, I don't want my face to cringe each time I hear her name. I just, I, I thought she cared about me, no, I know she cared about me, and I just can't understand why she's leaving us in this state of uncertainty, when she can.. she can clear it all up."

Abby was grateful that her daughter was finally sharing. She didn't say a word when Clarke spend the week after the war in her room not talking to anyone, and when she began sleeping with Bellamy, but she needed to know that the blonde was as happy as can be in this difficult situation. "Clarke, maybe she is sitting in her room and thinking the same thing. Maybe it's not about building peace, maybe it's about rebuilding trust between our people, between you two. They can't know that we won't shoot them if they walk to our gate, same way with us, we don't have the guarantee that they would let us wonder around to their city. This things usually take time, and now, when we didn't kill any of their people and they didn't kill any of ours, there is an uncertainty about how to proceed. From your point of you, and I assume that from hers to.

The blue eyed girl thanked her mother. She left the clinic, going to get a few hours of sleep before they would leave tomorrow.

* * *

 **Hey everyone.**

 **A new story, I am pretty sure I will continue it.**

 **You are more than welocome to press the review button and let me know what you think.**

 **Have a gread day,**

 **Spencer.**


	2. Chapter 2

Lexa had mixed feelings about returning to Polis. Of course, she was thankful that her fight against the mountain men was finally over, but on the other hand, her people never lived without the constant threat, and she was worried that things may go wrong in this time of peace.

With the warless times her people were having, Lexa had a lot of time to think about a lot of things. She disliked it, and tried to keep herself as busy as possible. She went to visit as many villages she could, to show them some moral, support and also to point out that in this times of peace, there was no need for violence, that not every scared sky person they see is a threat. The commander also spent time with the conclave, teaching them to fight, to survive and to become the best commander they can possibly be.

None the less, the grounder didn't allow herself to get cocky. After finding out about the deaths of the people in Mount Weather, she sent a few of her warriors to destroy anything the sky people can use against them, she also placed a squad to keep track of the situation in Arcadia, and to report directly to her, but she believed that they would not cause any trouble. The brunette also knew that it wasn't safe to leave their alliance like that. She knew she needed to establish the peace.

She couldn't go there and look Clarke in the eyes. It didn't matter that she was sure of the decision she made, and it didn't matter that she would have done the same thing if she was given the change. It didn't matter that she was now risking a war to occur between them. The only thing that mattered to her was the Clarke's face when she found out Lexa had betrayed her.

Lexa knew better. She knew to never let people get to her, she knew it very well, and yet, she felt safe here, in her room, creating imaginary conversations with Clarke, where she knows exactly what to say, where Clarke understood perfectly. She can't handle the fact that the blonde would hate her, she just can't.

* * *

After spending the better half of the last hour deep in those thoughts, the girl decides to get herself out of bed and join the rest of her ambassadors at breakfast.

She wears a simple black pants, and a long sleeveless shirt, putting her hair as usual, with many braids, she places the circle between her eyes and moves to look in the mirror. Now that they are not at war, she doesn't need to use face paint or to wear an armor, she is dressed rather causally, and she likes it a lot.

When she joins her people at breakfast, everyone becomes silence, waiting for her to take her place at the head of the table. When she sits down, she gestures them to begin to eat.

"Commander." The ice nation ambassador begins.

Lexa lifted her eyes from her untouched yet food and look at the man. "Proceed". She tells him, interested in what he has to say.

"Well, it's been quite some time since our enemies have been vanquished by wanheda." He stopped, his voice not heard over the sound of people cheering. Lexa thought to herself how much Clarke wouldn't like the nickname, and the meaning behind it. "Yes, well, I wanted to know, what are we going to do with them?" He finished, sounding quite clam.

"Well, right now there is peace as you all know. We are not killing them, and they are not killing us, we need to consider the possibility, that talking to them would only make the situation worst." The commander said with an assertive tone, eliminating anymore question on the matter.

* * *

A few hours later, when Lexa was sitting in her chair, her thoughts was once again wondering to the sky princess. She almost couldn't remember how the other girl looked. Well, she of course remembered the deep blue eyes and her blonde wavy hair, but she couldn't remember how she looked like when she smiles, or when she's angry. She was beginning to get upset with herself, she was the commander of twelve clans of grounders, she shouldn't spend her time trying to make some girl face. But on the other hand, she didn't care, because it wasn't doing anyone harm, well, anyone but herself.

Noises from outside her room brought her out from her thought. She sat patiently, waiting for whom ever it was to come in and explain himself, she was even excited, back when they were at war, her room was flooded with people in all hours of the day. Titus walked in, looking rather upset, Lexa already regretted feeling excited, a glimpse of panic flashed her features, but before some worries followed the flame keeper inside, it was already gone, and her aloof, serious place was in place.

"What is going on?" She asked, after no one seemed to speak up.

They didn't say a thing, and instead signaled someone to come in the room. A young warrior, lead into the room a girl. It took Lexa a few seconds to come to the realization that the girl standing in front of her, is no else than Octavia. Octavia, a sky person, Bellamy's sister, Clarke's friend, Indra's previous second.

Two thoughts came to the commander's head, the first, was what the hell had happened to her. The black haired girl was bruised, her left eye severely swollen, and she could barely walk on her right leg. "Tell me that this is how she was found, and that you didn't defy me." She stood up, hoping that she would receive some good news.

The young man who brought the sky girl in explained. "It was the ice nation. We were out hunting, when we saw them beating her almost to death." The others nodded along. "We fought them, in order to bring her back to you. We didn't capture none of them. I am sorry."

"Leave us." Lexa ordered. Sounding angry. All but Titus left the room. "You too."

Knowing that one of the twelve clans was defying her word had shaken the grounder. She knew that there must be retaliate against the ice nation, it was not the first time queen Nia was trying to undermine her, and this time she was not planning on letting this slip by. None the less, she was now alone with Octavia, someone who may have spent the last few months in the Arcadia, and right then, Lexa had needed information, about what they plan next, will they consider peace, and, well, Clarke. Maybe she can tell her something about Clarke.

"Octavia." Lexa said softly, stepping down from the podium.

"Commander." Octavia said in a sharp tone, doing her best to stand up.

"I need you to.."

"Well too bad." The girl interrupted her, "I needed you to stay in that mountain and help us, but as you taught me, even without me asking," A small evil laugh escaped her lips, "don't trust anyone to be there for you when you need them." She walked a step further, coming closer to Lexa with an intimidating look in her eyes, and then added. "I will be a hypocrite to choose to help you now."

Lexa looked at the girl in front of her. She saw how strong, and how driven to stand have for what she believed in she was, and the commander wanted to believe that she could understand her. "You would have done the same." She simply said. "So, please, help me help you, tell me what you know, tell me how you got here, tell me what your people think right now, and I, in return will get you back to them, and attempt to correct all the wrongs the ice nation made in the process."

They looked at each other for a few seconds, no one daring to look away, "I don't know." Octavia said, looking to the floor.

"What don't you know?"

"Everything. I left a week after we returned to camp. The only reason your people find me, is because two days ago Lincoln decided he wanted to return to my people and help them." She said bitterly. "Without him, I was more noticeable, and, as you can see, here we are."

Lexa knew that the conversation has come to an end. There was not going to be an open chat about feelings. "I will have someone escort you to a room where you can eat, clean and sleep. After I make last arrangements, we will travel to your camp."

The girl left with a nod, signaling to the brunette that they were okay for now.

* * *

When Titus returned to the room a second later he simply asked, "what's now heda?"

"I will go with her to camp Arcadia, and try to make a final peace."

"And about the ice nation?" He asked, not questioning her decisions.

"I want you to kill their ambassador, to send a message. I shall go to the sky people, show them the work of Nia, show them what she had done to Octavia and make them join me in the battlefield." Lexa ordered. "Also, arrange five horseman to be ready to leave in first light."

She left after that, going to her room. It looked like she didn't need to get used to times of peace after all, tomorrow she will be wearing her armor again, and if things will go as planned, she will be rocking war face colors for the weeks to come. Lexa knew it had to be done. Her people has a change to raise their children without the shadow of death, they could live in a world of peace and happiness, this time Lexa was going to fight for exactly that, using any means necessary to make her dream come true. She didn't feel scared to break the coalition, or to risk her role as the commander, she knew what the right thing to do was, and for all she cared, she would die trying.

The only thing that scared the young girl, was Clarke.

* * *

 **Hey,**

 **so, as always, tell me what you think.  
It takes a second, and it gives me drive to continue, and thougts about how to improve my writing.**

 **I hope you're all excited about the hopes the next chapter has to offer, I know I am.**

 **Thank you for reading,**

 **Spencer.**


	3. Chapter 3

"I think we can stop here." The blonde tells Raven. They have been driving for the past day, and it was beginning to get dark.

It took Raven a few seconds to understand what Clarke had even said. None of them has said a word for the past three hours and she was in some sort of a driving/not killing the people in the car trance. When the black haired girl brought the car to a halt, Bellamy and Monty were beginning to wake up.

The first thought that came to Bellamy's head was that someone was attacking them. It was a rough and sudden stop, and his first instinct was to stand up in front of Clarke in a protecting pose, drawing his weapon and looking to see what the immediate threat was.

"Man." Raven said, a big smirk plastered to her face. "Nothing's wrong, you can stand down now." Clarke and Monty joined her with a few giggles.

Clarke wasn't flattered by the boy's action. If there was actually a threat, she believed that she could take care of herself, and moreover, she began to fear that he wasn't in the same mindset as she was, that in an awakening state, his first thought shouldn't be to protect her. She made a mental note to talk to him later, and for now acted like it wasn't a big deal, which was true, she reminded herself, it was nothing, he was half asleep anyway.

Bellamy just lowered the gun and opened the door, wanting to get some fresh air after the long drive.

"Come on." He said when he noticed they were all still sitting in the car. "We need to settle before the night falls." He sounded business as usual.

The group grabbed the few blankets, the food and the weapons they brought along and followed the older boy to the trees nearby, where he was already looking for branches.

Monty joined him.

"Hey Bellamy."

"Monty." He acknowledged him, without turning his back to the younger guy.

"You okay?" He asked lightly, not wanting to be pushed against a tree, and being yelled at, but still, caring about the tough guy, that was one of Monty's closest friends.

The former guardsman took a deep breath, and turned around. "Yes, I am always okay. Just a rough waking up, nothing new."

"You can talk to me."

Bellamy threw a pretty heavy branch to Monty's hand and added. "Start building a fire kid." With that he turned his back to him, going further into the woods.

* * *

While the boys were scouting the woods, the two girls spread the blankets on the floor. "Here, grab that corner." The blonde said, throwing the blanket towards Raven.

"Yes, I know how to spread a blanket." The mechanic said, a second before missing the blanket, and letting it fall to the ground.

"Sure you do."

"You okay?" Raven tried to change the subject, her interest picking in.

"Of course I am." Clarke simply said, grabbing another blanket.

"I remember him being good, he's good right?"

"W-what?"

"Come on Clarke, don't fuck with me." Raven said playfully. "I'm just flattered, you seem to like my choice in men."

Clarke was pretty pissed, for starters, she wasn't okay with what happened with Finn, not at all, and that would be something she would have to bear for the rest of her life, so, she wasn't in that point where you laugh about it, and second, "you can't possibly tell that I am sleeping with someone based on what had happen in the car, so, what you're doing right now is fishing, and I am not going to entertain you with facts about my private life."

"You look like you want to kill me, I guess that mean I don't need to fish anymore."

"Raven, I swear to god.."

They heard footsteps coming their way, it was Monty, caring a few branches. Before he was close enough Raven quickly added, "Clarke, seriously, I'm just fucking with you. It's not my place, I get it." They shared one last look of understanding, before Monty joined them, dropping the woods to the ground.

* * *

Later that night, All four were lying in their blankets. The fire was slowly dying, and there was almost no light. Clarke felt restless, her mind was clattered with too much thoughts, about the mountain men, about the grounders, about Bellamy, and about Lexa, after Abby and hers conversation, she couldn't get Lexa out of her mind. All that, combining with Monty's loud snores, gave the girl a zero to none chance to sleep that night. In a sweep move, she got up and walked over to the car, climbing on top of it. She laid and looked at the stars. It was one of the few things that really excited her on the ground. From down here she felt so small, she felt like she can be her small self, and do what she believes in without major consequences. A few moments later she heard Bellamy walking towards her.

"Hey Bell." She said just when the car came to his view.

"Did you smell me?"

"More of heard you. You really need to work on your stomps."

The car shook for a second when Bellamy tried to bring his large body to the top, he laid beside her. The atmosphere was light, their bodies not touching. The only sound was their breaths and the wind hitting the tree tops.

A few minutes has passed. "We've been through a lot." Bellamy said. Clarke sighed, already missing the silence. "That's why I did it. We've been through so much, and it would have been a stupid thing to lose you over."

"Okay."

"Okay."

"It's too much sometimes Bell. There's too much for me to worry about." She sighed again, knowing the next part wasn't going to be fair to him. "Don't make me worry about you too, about us too."

"Okay."

They stayed liked that, not talking, not touching. It was a weird bond in the midst of uncertainty times. For the both of them it was one of the only things they seemed to trust to the fully. For Clarke, it was a partner. For Bellamy, it was a problem.

* * *

The next morning, the crew was at location, trying real hard to follow Raven's instructions. It was a hot day, and the three of them found themselves quickly sweating. It was not helping that Raven sat on the roof on the car and looked awfully comfortable.

After a few hours of hard labor Monty, Clarke and Bellamy were laying almost passed out in the grass, while Raven sat next to them playing with the radio, trying to contact camp Arcadia.

"Camp Arcadia, can you hear me?" Raven said. "We've connected the antenna." She continued. "Waiting for further instructions."

After a few minutes, a static noise had sounded, excited, they all gathered around the radio, while Raven tried to improve the signal. "The grounders are in camp." Kane voice had sounded. "I repeat, they are here in order to make peace."

Clarke snatched the radio from the other girl's hand. "W-what?" She asked, almost shouting.

"Clarke." Kane sounded clam. "Return immediately."

* * *

It was a few hours after they set off to their missions. Kane was sitting in his office, going on his plan to ride to Polis, when a guardsman barged into his office. "Sir, you need to come. The grounder's commander is by the gate."

Kane raced outside, running in Abby on the way, they exchanged a knowing look, and walked faster towards the gate. When they got there they saw Lexa, five other warriors and Octavia, sitting behind on of the grounders.

"Commander." Kane simply said.

Lexa jumped off her horse, walking closer to him. "Chancellor." She then added, "Congratulations."

"Thank you."

The grounder looked good, even after a journey of a few days. She radiated confident. "I am here to try and rebuild trust between us." She signaled her men, and gently, he lowered Octavia from the horse. She was feeling better, but she still looked like hell. Abby rushed to her side, placing a hand around her waist, walking her into camp.

"Where was she?"

"I don't know, she wasn't talkative. My warriors found her, and I think bringing her back is a first step in the way to peace."

"I want it to be better than before." Kane said quietly, still shaken aback by the look of Octavia, wondering to himself where Lincoln might be, he respected the commander, but when it came to trust..

"Chancellor." Lexa wasn't planning on playing games. "You have no reason to trust me, and I the same. Now, there is no common goal to unite us, beside our mutual desire in stopping the bloodshed."

Kane nodded, understanding that they were not going to work it through here, by the gate, and he also knew he needed Clarke. She understood Lexa, she even trusted Lexa at one point, and he was sure Lexa felt the same. "Come inside, we'll talk about it more later."

Lexa waited for him to add something about Clarke. It was not about her feelings for the girl, but rather about her importance in the peace process. But when he excused himself and went to talk to one of his guards, her faith in the matter lessened.

The chancellor ordered a guardsman to assign them some rooms and food, he then turned to them and added. "I will go to see what's going on with Octavia, you all probably need some rest, let's congregate again in the evening."

Kane looked at Lexa, waiting to get the okay from her, or to hear her doubts. The commander needed to know about Clarke, she thought about her two options, if she will ask about her, it can send the wrong message to Kane, he can think that she doesn't respect him as a leader, or show weakness in relying on one person. On the other hand, maybe it was all worth it, because she knew the blonde will be a curtail part of the discussion. At the end she just nodded her head towards him, then, she let the guardsman to lead them.

* * *

Instead of feeling enthusiastic and celebrating their success, the group spend the drive home in quite, each man to himself.

Raven was feeling really pissed, she pressed the gas pedal stronger than before, wanting to get to camp. She wasn't going to let a peace agreement to happen between them and the people who simply left them to die, and she was anxious to get there and yell a bit.

Monty was scared. Not of the big warriors and their huge weapons. No. He was scared of the person they made him. Each time he made a decision that was against his nature, the grounders were to blame. They made him leave his best friend to die in the woods, they made him help Jasper to blow up a bridge, and they made him radiate 300 people, he wasn't thrilled of the thought of them returning to their lives.

Bellamy was calculated. He thought of all the possibilities. He wondered why now, after so long, he wondered who was sent to them, if it was the commander herself, or maybe Indra, and he wondered if maybe anyone knew anything about his sister.

Clarke knew that Lexa was at her camp. She just knew it. She didn't think about the peace agreement, she didn't wonder about Lincoln or Octavia, and she didn't think about her friends. The only thing that crossed her mind was Lexa. She will talk to Lexa, in no time, after so long. She was so deep in thoughts, that she didn't even notice Bellamy's hand on hers.

* * *

 **Hey, so I think I am really starting to find a direction to this story.**

 **I didn't get much feedback from you guys, but this story, unlike my others, I am writing for myself.**

 **I want to share this with you, I was working on a novel this past year, and for the past month I can't write anymore.**  
 **Writing this helps me. The words and plot comes efortlessly to me, I don't have an editor who reviews everything I write, and I think I will be able to return to writing my book soon.**

 **To whomever reading this,**

 **I hope you enjoyed.**

 **Have a great day,**

 **Spencer.**


	4. Chapter 4

An announcement was sound in the guardsmen's radios. It spoke of the group's arrival to camp. Wick hurried up to the gate the minute he heard. As much as he wanted to see Raven, his intentions this time were a hundred percent pure, he thought Bellamy needs to know about his sister.

They looked tired and wear down. Bellamy walked in first, followed by the blonde behind him, both eager to see what was going on.

Wick grabbed the black haired man by the arm. "One sec bro." They all saw the serious face, the usually upbeat engineer, was displaying and paid close attention, "the grounders brought someone with them. I believe it was the main reason they came, a chance for peace."

"Spit it out Wick." Clarke said, not in a mood to listen to his thoughts about politics.

"They brought Octavia."

Bellamy's face, that for the past few hours migrated between boredom and aloofness, stiffened. "Where is she?"

"Medical."

He left running towards his sister, followed by Monty.

"You coming to see her?" Raven asked the sky princess after finding her place next to Wick.

"Later."

Raven nodded in understanding and walked with Wick after their other friends. Clarke just stood there, looking at them, smiling to herself. She felt relieved and happy. She took one second to relax before she had to go and face the fresh hell that was probably waiting for her in the mess hall.

As she was approaching the dining room her scattered thoughts became more centered, from considering the pros and cons of a peace agreement and wondering why now after all these months, she began to think about the grounders, well, more specifically about the grounders' commander. She began to walk slower, dreading the meeting to come. 50 meters before arriving she came to a complete halt. She felt ridiculous. She was a kid by all accounts, but still, they all looked up to her, they all trusted her, and the blonde trusted herself, everything she did was for the sole purpose of protecting her people. Except of one exception. She was now sitting on the ground, trying to calm herself, if it wasn't for the only thing she has done for herself, she would be able to just walk in there and act like the princess she is. However, she kissed Lexa, she felt something for Lexa, and she kept it from her people. One last breath. She stood on her feet, straighten her shirt and walked forward with a look of confident.

The mess hall was full. People were sitting rather quietly, sky people with sky people, chatting lightly. The only table with mixed company was the main table in the center of the room, where Lexa, her warriors, Kane, Abby, Justin and a few other high ranked people were sitting.

Lexa was eating silently, she was playing with her food, looking uninterested. Clarke stopped. She didn't want the commander to have such an effect on her, and if that's not possible, then she settled for not letting the commander know she has such an effect on her. Lexa suddenly lifted her head from the plate locking eyes with Clarke. It was only for a second. It was only a second for the rest of the people in the room. It was another second of pain for Jasper, another second of guilt for Kane and another second of not worrying about where there next breath will come for Abby. For Clarke, for Lexa, it was three months in one second. It was the fear and the pain, it was looking in the eyes of the ally they lost. for just a second, they could feel it all, they could break apart and rebuild in the following second, they could be themselves. Clarke broke eye contact first, going towards the table.

"Dear." Her mother greeted getting up to hug her.

"Hey mom." Clarke whispered, letting herself sinking in for a minute more, just relaxing.

She turned to Lexa. "Commander."

"Clarke." The grounder said back.

When it was clear to Kane that no more words will pass between the pair he cleared his throat and added dumbly, "Clarke, there's rabbit stew, come join us."

The sky princess looked between her mother, to Kane, avoiding Lexa's intense gaze on her in fear of breaking in the middle of the mess hall, with all her people looking at her, trusting her to save them.

"Thank you but I've had a long day, I'd rather go and take a long shower."

The chancellor nodded his head, "come by my office later tonight, we're having a meeting." He added before the blonde was out of hearing range. She turned around for a second nodding quickly before leaving.

* * *

Her body desperately screamed for a shower, but she ignored it and walked to the medic, eager to find Octavia. As she walked in she saw the older Blake sitting by her bed looking five years older with painful concern on his face. He looked up as he heard her come inside, and was pleading with his eyes for her to fix everything. She physically hurt for the boy and so she walked around quietly and sat next to him, whispering softly. "Go eat." She tried. "Shower." Again. "Sleep. Anything. Take a short break, I am here."

He dismissed her easily, returning his gaze to the young girl lying in front of them. She squeezed his hand once and looked at him with a piercing look, clearly not joking. He looked at her once more and then at Clarke and left the room for no more than thirty minutes as it would later be known to all.

"He worries."

"Can you blame him?" Clarke asked with a soft tone, looking to the door. If Octavia was picking up on anything, she didn't show it.

"Hey, don't take his side until you have the chance to hear the all story."

Clarke's gaze shifted from where Bellamy last stood to the girl in front of her. She really needed to get her priority straight. This is Octavia Blake, the overly confident, reckless, crazy person who's been there from day one, who gone through hell and back with her, who no matter what awful things she knew and thought about Clarke, always kept faith in the blonde. Octavia was the only thing that was supposed to matter now.

"I'll be the judge of that. Do share."

"So we left. We didn't feel like we belong here, and I knew you were safe." The girl straightened up a bit, signaling Clarke to not dare to interrupt her with a murdering gaze. "We wanted to start our own thing. A few days ago he left. For the past month or so, he was talking about returning here, to help you, we fought about it a lot." She closed her eyes for a second, fighting those memories. "I followed him. I saw him eat, I saw him drink, I even saw some guys from the ice nation attacking him. I tried to help him, b-but I was too late. They took his body with them, leaving a few guys behind to hand me the same faith. Some Trikru walked by, they saved me." She smiled a bitter smile, as if excepting her faith, of not belonging, as if excepting Lincoln's death, as if giving up.

"We'll find his body, we'll bring you peace. I promise"

Octavia just shot her another bitter look. "You can try." She then closed her eyes. She said all there was to say.

Clarke sat there in silent. Not daring to leave the girl alone. She waited patiently until Bellamy had returned looking as bad as earlier, only with an added scent of soap to his appearance.

She got up quickly. Not wanting to feel this bitter, Clarke decided she wasn't going to play nice anymore. She gave Bellamy's hand a squeeze and left the room towards Kane's office.

* * *

The chancellor was the only one in the room at her arrival, and was so caught up in the paper in his hand, he initially didn't notice her. She cleared her throat lightly and smiled at him reassuringly.

"I don't need to tell you have much a peace agreement is important to us right? I mean, our people live each day with the uncertainty that-"

"Yes, Kane, I do know." She cut his nervous rambling and sat down smiling, "after radiating 300 men, I think I can handle a few grounders."

Kane was taken aback by her cold and cynical self, and was about to comment on such when Lexa had entered the office. He shot one look towards Clarke and then welcomed the commander with a smile.

The grounder sat in front of the two sky people. Her face clean from any war paint and her hair floating down in small curls, she was wearing tight pants and a long blouse as usual, but her armor was nowhere to be seen. It was a side of Lexa that Clarke has never seen. Lexa could easily pass as one of the sky teenagers, she looked delicate and soft. Clarke wondered why the mighty commander wanted to reveal that side of herself now. Maybe it was to show her humanity, which aside of Clarke, no sky people got to see.

"I appreciate you are willing to listen to us." The brunette began.

"Well, considering our only other option is to go up in flame by your army, you're welcome." It was uncalled for, Clarke knew, but she was done keeping things inside. Maybe she should have visited Octavia after the meeting.

Both Lexa and Kane looked to Clarke, Kane showing visible signs of being displeased with the girl, and Lexa, of course, showing nothing.

"I do not wish to do that." The commander began, looking for Clarke's avoiding eyes. "I have bigger threats, the ice nation."

"I heard." Clarke shook her head in agreement.

"You heard what?"

"Octavia. It was them. They also, t-they also killed Lincoln."

That did it. That broke through Lexa's mask. "How do you know that?" She asked in a defeated look.

"She told me." Clarke needed to say something, anything. "We'll stand by you."

Lexa's eyes shot to Clarke's and for the second time that evening it was showing too much. Clarke looked at her reassuringly.

"We will sure do." Kane added.

"I would want you to become the thirteen clan. We shall return to Polis with first light, where you'll knell in front of me and vow to me. Then, I will accept your people as my own, and we will be ready for war."

"If you ever betray me again."

"I won't."

And there it was, a small silent agreement, which they sealed with their eyes.

Without a single word Clarke got up and left the office, needing to get away from there.

* * *

A hot shower. That is exactly what Clarke had needed. She peeled the sweaty, dusty clothes from her body and hoped for a long relaxing shower. She felt energized. She felt as if there is a purpose. Most of all, she thought about how not angry she felt. The blonde realized that Lexa was the only thing separating her from 'just surviving'. She realized that with all the uncertainty, the danger and the pain Lexa has brought upon her, she also brought laugh, companionship, challenges and peace of mind to the girl. Lexa made her feel, made her live.

She was half dressed when she heard a light knock on her door. Assuming it was Bellamy seeking refuge after the long day he had, she considered undressing but decided against it, thinking he may need consolation. "Just a sec." She pulled a black sweater over her head and red socks to her feet. Glancing one look at her mirror, she decided to undo the messy bun on top of her head and change the buggy gray sweatpants to tight yoga pants. She hoped he wouldn't want to speak. She was a firm believer in the 'sleep it off' technique.

"Lexa." Clarke said surprised.

"Clarke." She nodded her head towards her. "Can we speak?"

"S-sure." She whispered, moving to the side, letting the girl inside.

Lexa looked very confident. She scanned the small room quickly. There was nothing there besides a small bed and a chair. At first, the sky girl thought about drawing on the walls and decorating it with flowers, but she never got around to do it. The commander took a sit on the wooden chair, and Clarke quickly copied, sitting opposite of her on the bed.

"Well, the last time I saw you, I had betrayed you. I knew where we stood before that moment." She stopped for a second, as if contemplating to say more. The next part was said in a much softer voice. "I knew where we stood in our alliance." Clarke's heart jumped in her chest, beating faster now, their kiss on her mind. The grounder cleared her throat and continued just as professionally as before. "I came in here in the hopes we could move on, to build a safe future for our children."

Clarke simply nodded. She got up, hoping the commander will understand and leave the room, it was getting harder and harder for Clarke to be in such a close proximity to Lexa. At least before she knew where the ball was. It laid safe and sound at hers side of the court, waiting for when she was ready to take the next step. But now, there were hundreds of balls, on fire, flying in the air. She needed Lexa to leave so she could slow down and think. When the brunette didn't show any signs of leaving, she added, "we can move on Lexa."

"Good." She said, a small smile grazing her lips. She quickly got up and walked towards the door.

"Lexa." Clarke couldn't let her leave just yet. The grounder stopped in her track, waiting to hear what was left to say. "I would have done the same. At Mount Weather." After a few seconds and lack of answer from Lexa, the blonde added, "just thought you should know."

"Thank you." Lexa said, and left the room.

* * *

 **Hey guys.**

 **Thank you for reading, reviewing and following.  
I highly appricate that.**

 **Hope you enjoyed this chapter.  
As always, let me know what you think.**

 **Yours truly,  
Spencer.**


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